D mail

Actual letters I have written and the actual responses I have received. Enjoy!

Name:
Location: Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada

Friday, September 30, 2005

In-N-Out Burger Letter

January 13, 1997

In 'n Out Burger - President or CEO
4199 Campus Drive - 9th Floor
Irvine, CA
92612

Dear Burger Buckaroos,

I almost never write letters to anyone, but I felt compelled to respond in some way to the ecstasy I experienced while enjoying one of your double-double deals at In 'n Out! I've had a difficult time finding the words to express my feelings for your restaurant since my first, and only, visit (so far). It was November 29th, my two colleagues and I had landed in L.A. that morning and were driving our rental car to Palm Springs for a big youth conference, but in need of sustenance, we stopped at this fast food joint with the big red sign & the weird name. Terence had heard good things about the place so we dined heartily (and to my surprise, economically). Descriptive words include: scrumptious, delectable, savory, piquant (that's Gordon's word), mouth-watering, stimulating, zesty, lively, spirited, passionate, relish, gusto, gratifying, mollifying, pleasing to the five senses (six for women), favourable, and most agreeable!

I realize that this list barely scratches the surface that is so very deeply In 'n Out Burger! Needless to say, we REALLY LIKE YOUR FOOD!!! Of course, all the youth at the conference (over 1700 of 'em) already knew about your wonderful product and were surprised that we had nothing like it up in Canada. Nothing at all! My question for you is do you expect to expand your heavenly franchise into the Great White North anytime soon? I know that there would be 30 million happy Canadians ready and willing to consume all that you can produce (and I think I'd work for you for free)!

It's not very often that I get down to California, so please consider the possibility of moving your restaurants up to me (am I really that selfish? When In 'n Out's involved, I guess so!). Is it at all possible to send me a burger to go and an In 'n Out cap? I would be proud to adorn my head with your company's logo!

Thanks again for making my trip most enjoyable, and congratulations on your great product!

Drooling as I type,
Dairn M Peters
PS I called your 800# and spoke to "Gary", he was very helpful and provided me with your corporate address.

In-N-Out Burger Reply

January 23, 1997


Dear Dairn:

I want to thank you for your letter in more ways than one. I know how hard it is to write letters... I find it hard myself. This is the best letter I've received in a long time, and I really enjoyed your descriptiveness. It actually made my day! As far as right now, we have considered Canada, but probably not for another year or so. Please bear with me...

I would not only like to give you a hat but a jacket as well. If for some reason the size isn't right, just let my secretary know. Her name is Terri and her phone number is 818-813-XXXX. Thank you again very much for such a great letter.

Sincerely,

H. Guy Snyder


*** Received an In-N-Out cap and embroidered 45th anniversary jean jacket ***

Thursday, September 29, 2005

BC Tel Letter

June 26, 1995

BC Tel Marketing Dept.
3777 Kingsway
Burnaby, BC
V5H 3Z7

Dear phone friends,

As near as I can tell, I've been using a phone since I was two and a half years old. I was answering the phone in my parents' home as soon as I could speak (my mom says I could sing before I could speak, but I don't remember). I have always enjoyed talking on the phone and can't imagine what the world was like before Alexander Graham Bell invented his fine world-changing product. My job as a customer service consultant at Cantel Cellular only increased my passion for the phone as I handled an average of 119 calls per day, that is until everyone was laid off, and the department decentralized to Toronto ("long live BC Tel Mobility!"). I would like to congratulate you on your exceptional service and products over the years.

The reason for this letter is in regards to your recent ad campaign. My oldest sister, Becky, who used to live in Airdrie, Alberta (pop. 9,437), used to tell me about the boring AGT (Alberta General Telephone) advertisements. They always ended their commercials with a monotonous jingle, "AGT, AGT, we're the best that we can be," blah, blah, blah, and so on. My guess is that the common folk in Alberta thrived on that sort of marketing simplicity. But not so here in beautiful British Columbia! I've always been impressed with your television ads that showed families growing closer together by making a phone call at just the appropriate time, or how a BC Tel lineman would string up phone lines with a bow and arrow. Now those are real life vignettes that capture our hearts and minds!

My comment is regarding your most recent commercial showing 5 mothers of NHL goalies dressed in hockey equipment, and reminiscing about the crystal clear phone calls they've received from their sons, all over the world. The captions say that they are the mothers of Kirk McLean, Wade Flaherty, Chris Osgood, and Trevor Kidd. This is fine and dandy, but there are five ladies, and only four names listed. Who is the mysterious fifth lady in the commercial? Is she a goalies' mom who didn't rank high enough on the acting scale to get her name mentioned? Maybe one of the marketing managers pulled some strings to get his own mom in the commercial with the other more famous moms? I would love to have an answer regarding the "fifth mystery mom" (as I've called her since the commercial was first aired a few months ago). Thanks for your time, and continue on in your fine tradition of BC Tel quality and consistency.

Please write back as my phone is broken.

Unitel is hell,
Dairn M Peters
PS Do you have a cap or t-shirt you could send for my sister?

BC Tel Reply

July 3, 1995

Dear Mr. Peters,

Thank you for your kind letter regarding our advertising. It is always nice to get feedback from our customers... especially when it's positive! To answer your question regarding our recent Real Plus advertising campaign, the "fifth mystery mom" is Renate Kolzig, mother of Olly Kolzig. Olly plays for the Washington Capitals. And as you requested, I have enclosed a BC TEL T-shirt for your sister. I hope it fits.

Once again, thanks for the feedback.

Best regards,

Anthony Bertuzzi
Advertising Manager

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

United Nations Letter

February 25, 1999

ATTN: Secretary General Kofi Annan
United Nations HQ
New York, NY
10017

Dear Emissary of Global Peace,

On a recent trip to my nation's capital city, Ottawa, my travelling companions and I encountered a mystifying problem that could have world-wide implications. Not one of us (all three of us grown, educated men) could figure out how to operate the hotel room's heating and cooling system! After numerous nights at the Howard Johnson tossing and turning due to the "too hot" or "too cool" room conditions, we came to the conclusion that this may be a problem in other countries of the world as well. In fact, the outbreak of a revolution or even full-scale war could hinge upon the good night's rest of a foreign dictator.

We all drew straws to see who would write a letter to the world's most influential association in order to address this pertinent need, and I got the short one. Our question for you, Most Honourable Secretary General Anan, is this: "Can the U.N. enforce the regulation of all public heating and cooling systems so that anyone (even full-grown men) can use them properly?"

Of course, we do not suggest to impose our imposition upon yourself without suggesting some suggestions to this resolution:
  1. Mark all heating knobs and switches with a "universal" symbol for heat. (possibly a devil character with horns and pitchfork - Hell is hot, no?)
  2. Mark all air conditioning knobs and switches with a "universal" symbol for cool. (possibly a devil character with a parka and scarf - for when Hell freezes over)
  3. In each hotel room, enforce the addition of extra blankets and windows that open. (uncooperative hotels will have a rock star or the US Olympic hockey team stay for one week)
  4. Close the RAMADA INNS across this great continent of ours once and for all!
  5. Give special room rates to dictators and world leaders who tend to get cranky without a good rest.

These are only a few of our suggestions for world peace. Please feel free to let me know in your return letter if you would like to pursue more avenues of global harmony. Thank you so much for taking your time to respond! I appreciate the work that you do for our country and all the nations that are united together (except Madagascar - I don't trust them).

I'd like to teach the world to sing,

Dairn M Peters

PS Do you have a U.N. t-shirt (XL) you could send for Terry & Lion? That would be great!

United Nations Reply

*

Still waiting.....

*

Friday, September 23, 2005

Pentel Letter

June 11, 1996

Pentel of America, Ltd.
2805 Columbia Street
Torrance, CA
90509

Dear plastic pen professionals,

I am writing to congratulate you on your fine product and to tell you how happy we are. "We" are the men of the Kingsway Foursquare Church in Burnaby, British Columbia, of which I am an assistant pastor. You see, each year the pastoral staff gets together to brainstorm about ideas for Father's Day gifts for the men of the church (on Mother's Day the ladies get a flower or plant), but prior to last year the task was not easy.

The story began 6 years ago when we purchased a large number of pens for Father's Day, 1990. The pens (produced by a competitor of yours) looked nice and were a "good deal" so they were handed out on Sunday morning as a gift to the men. Within a week or two, we were hearing of complaints through the grapevine (nobody wanted to publicly criticize a church gift) regarding the suspect writing instruments. The crud (pardon my French) really hit the fan when the Senior Pastor's pen exploded in his white shirt pocket during a budget meeting! This, of course, spelled the end of Father's Day pens for the men. That is why it was such a task to come up with other inexpensive ideas for this annual occasion. Trinkets given out during some of the past years include: key chains; pocket flashlights; flashlight-keychains; discounted minor league baseball tickets (game was rained out!). Needless to say, we dreaded this scary day. That is, until last year.

I was in charge of the Father's Day fiasco (as it was being called), and I decided to give the pen "thing" another try because everybody uses pens (and because I thought the Senior Pastor had forgotten the incident of six years past). I went to Office Depot and purchased 200 Pentel pens for the men, and prayed for the best (seriously!). To my chagrin, the old guy still remembered his ink-blotched shirt and questioned my decision. However, as it turns out, to this day he still faithfully uses his Pentel pen from last Father's Day! Also, the pens got good reviews from the male population of the church, thank the Lord (and Pentel).

So today I went to Office Depot and purchased 20 boxes of Pentel RSVP fine line ball point pens (in black and blue) for this coming Sunday (June 16, Father's Day). Thanks to your great product, the Father's Day fiasco is no more, my Senior Pastor is a happy man, and my job is probably safe for another year. Thanks Pentel, you truly do have "the best value-priced, quality-crafted ball point pen made in the U.S.A."

I thank you for taking the time to read my long, babbling letter, but I just wanted to let you know how much you are appreciated. Is it possible to send a Pentel cap or t-shirt (XL) my way? I don't mind at all advertising such a fine product as yours! Thanks for your response.

Paper Mate is no friend of mine,
Dairn M Peters

Pentel Reply

June 24, 1996


Dear Mr. Peters:

Thank you for your delightful letter stating your pleasure with our new Pentel R.S.V.P. ball point pen. This pen has been quite a success since its introduction. We can't seem to manufacture enough product!

I'm pleased to hear your Father's Day fiasco turned out well. I am enclosing a few samples of our Pentel R.S.V.P. (just in case you need a few more). Also, I am enclosing a Gizmo T-shirt for you. The Gizmo is a new product for Pentel.

I hope you enjoy your product samples and T-shirt. Thanks again for your letter.

Sincerely,

Jill Netzel
Marketing Communications Manager

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Snapple Letter

September 5, 1995


Snapple Beverages
333 W. Merrick Rd
Valleystream, NY
11580


Dear succulent beverage suppliers,

I love Snapple Iced Tea!!! Finally a company has discovered a cure for my personal thirst disorder! I've tried everything from colas to lemonade. I even concocted my own mixture of Ovaltine and my grandma's special cold remedy (comprised of a bunch of stuff that would make a horse choke). Swallowing these ingredients while chewing a stick of Gatorade gum had a slight impact on my thirstiness ratio, but the side effects were profound to say the least (I'm still trying to see clearly out of my left eye!). With Snapple, I can open a bottle and sip it slowly over a period of time, or guzzle the sucker back so that it hits my throat with force. Both ways I am sufficiently satisfied!

The reason for my letter is more than just simple Snapple flattery, I would like to ask a question: How come the Snapple receptionist only shows American people in those funny Snapple commercials? We have TV up here in the Great White North too, and I think that if Snapple is to become a "truly universal" liquid of thirst refreshment, people need to see more than just the American public drinking it. I believe that we Canadians probably consume the same, if not more, Snapple product per capita as our friendly United States counterparts (do you keep those kinds of records?).

Please don't take me wrong, I love Snapple and I will drink it until I die, but a Canadian citizen (and/or Mexican) on a commercial would be a fantastic idea to promote harmony and brotherly love - or are you guys planning an attack shortly??? Please write back and let me know what you think of my suggestion. In the meantime I'll be lining up six flavours of Snapple in the fridge and creating a frosty "Snapple swamp water." Mmmm, mmmm good!

Toast the Tetley tea elves,
Dairn M Peters
PS Do you have a cap or t-shirt (XL) lying around that you could send my way? Thanks!

Snapple Reply

November 17, 1995


Dear Peters:

Thank you for your letter regarding Snapple commercial advertising. We appreciate hearing from such enthusiastic consumers and we are thrilled you enjoy Snapple beverages so much.

In response to your inquiry concerning our commercials, we would like to explain how we approach our advertising. After we read and answer all the great letters we receive, they are forwarded to our advertising agency. Our agency selects twelve out of the 80,000 plus letters we receive annually to appear on our commercials. This is a very difficult decision. Although we know all the letters we receive are great Snapple originals, guidelines must be set to narrow the decision.

In Canada we currently advertise Snapple product through radio and hope to produce television commercials using "real Canadian consumers" in the next year or two. We do have television commercials in Quebec currently.

Believe it or not Americans consume almost three times per capita more Snapple than Canadians, but our consumption is increasing.

Thank you for your interest in our product and Snapple advertising. Keep watching for our upcoming television commercials, hopefully we will soon be featuring our "real Canadian consumers".

I have enclosed a few coupons for use towards your next purchase of Snapple and a key chain. Thanks again for contacting us.

Sincerely,

Carolyn Payne
Consumer Service Representative

Friday, September 16, 2005

Maglite Letter

July 24, 1996

MAG Instrument
1635 S. Sacramento Ave
P.O. Box 50600
Ontario, California USA
91761-1083

Dear flashlight friends,

This is a letter from a very impressed MAGLITE owner! A few weeks ago I was in the British Columbia back country hiking with a couple of my friends (Thomas & Gerald), when around sundown we stumbled upon a black bear cub. Now he was really cute and quite curious about us but we cautiously backed off because where a cub is, a mama bear will soon be also. And sure enough, mother bear arrived on the scene cutting off our intended escape route, and looking none too pleased! Being between a rock and a hard place is tough, but being between a 300 pound mother bear and her cub is downright scary! I'm still not sure why I did it, but I slowly pulled out my rusty (but trusty) MAGLITE and shone it at the growling bear. By some fluke I had the red lens in place, and for some crazy reason, the bear started whining and backing up. As I kept the red light shining in the bear's face, she slowly made a wide circle around us to her cub on the other side, all the while whining (crying?) and keeping a close eye on us. In a matter of seconds the bears were waddling away into the woods. I believe that my MAGLITE saved the lives of Tom, Gerry, and myself! The next day both of my friends bought your flashlights, still amazed by our unbelievable experience.

I found your address on a MAGLITE package and thought I should write and thank you for your lifesaving product. "Thanks!" Maybe the words "scares away bears who are mad and want to eat you" should be printed on your packaging somewhere??? I've had my flashlight for about 9 years now, and I'll never buy a different brand. You people are very much appreciated! Do you have a MAGLITE cap that you could send my way? I wouldn't mind at all advertising your fine product! Thanks for your response to my letter.

A dedicated "flasher",
Dairn M Peters

Maglite Reply

Aug 22, 1996

Dear Mr. Peters:

It is a pleasure to receive words of support and praise about our products as we always strive to maintain the highest level of customer satisfaction. This being such an unusual and dangerous situation, we have notified our Alaskan Rep to see if he has heard of any other similar incidents with the red reflector and wild animals.

We are happy to hear that this was possibly a life saving feature to our Mag-Lite flashlight. Your letter will take a place of honor in our testimonial showcase and we are also including it in our next company newsletter.

Unfortunately, at this time, we are out of our Mag caps. An order has been placed and will take 4-6 weeks for them to arrive here. Once they do, I will be happy to send you one. I have enclosed a catalogue, parts list and order form for your future use.

Thank you for your letter and for purchasing Mag-Lite products.

Sincerely,

MAG INSTRUMENT, INC.

Donna L. Piazza
Sales Assistant


** Received MAG cap a month later

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Wunderbar Letter

July 17, 1996

Cadbury Canada Ltd.
Toronto, Ontario
Canada
M6J 3L9


Dear chocolate gods in the east,

As I write, I am finishing off another one of your fantastically wonderful WUNDERBAR chocolate bars! I hardly ever write to anyone, but I had a couple questions for you, and I felt that a massively huge "THANKS" was in order considering you make the world's best peanutty-chocklitty-caramel treat (and you can quote me on that)!

My first question is how do you get the awesome peanut butter-like substance inside each WUNDERBAR??? Now, I'm sure you get asked about the Caramilk secret all the time (that's easy, it's done with tine elves - everybody knows that!), but I don't care about Caramilk. I LOVE WUNDERBARs! My theory is that you inject the creamy peanut butter-like substance into the hardened, tubular-shaped toffee-ish stuff, and then douse it in a coating of delightfully milky liquid chocolate. Am I close?

Secondly, a certain friend (who shall remain nameless - OK we'll call him "Terry") wanted me to ask a ver dumb question: Have you ever had legal complications with Playtex, the makers or Wonderbra? See, I told you it was a stupid thing, but I promised him I would ask. I guess he thinks that WUNDERBAR could be too close a name to that other certain ladies under garment thingy. My wife (Griselda) believes that Playtex has been around a lot longer than Cadbury, but I argued quite convincingly the opposite (WUNDERBAR has been described throughout history as the "nectar of the gods", "forbidden fruit in the Grden of Eden", and "the breakfast of champions"). I wholeheartedly support WUNDERBAR and Cadbury in general, and believe that if anyone must do a legal name change it should be the piddly people at Playtex. Of course, I'm sure they could garner plenty of bra "support", but I would stick with you folks (cross my heart!) until the day I die.

Anyhow, I really just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you make WUNDERBAR, and that I eat about a dozen each week (do you keep consumption records? Am I the best WUNDERBAR fan in the world, or what?). I thank you for taking the time to read my long-ish, sort of babbling letter, but I want you to know that you are appreciated. Is it possible to send a WUNDERBAR (or Cadbury) cap my way? I don't mind at all advertising such a fine product as yours! Thanks for your response.

Wonderful, wonderful, WUNDERBAR!
Dairn M Peters

Wunderbar Reply

July 24, 1996

Dear Dairn:

Thank you for your letter. We enjoy hearing from our consumers and were pleased to learn that you like our Wunderbar and that you feel it is "the world's best peanutty-chocklitty-caramel treat".

In answer to your question, Cadbury uses various methods to make chocolate into candy bars. The Wunderbar is made on an enrobing machine. The peanut butter centre is made first by an extruder and the centre then passes along a conveyor belt to the enrobing machine which encases the centre in a rich chocolate coating.

In answer to Terry's question, to my knowledge we have never had any legal complications with Playtex, the makers of Wonderbra. As for the Caramilk secret, our lips are sealed and we cannot confirm your tiny elves theory.

I would like to thank you again Dairn, for your entertaining letter and wish you continued enjoyment of our Cadbury Wunderbar. To help you do this, we have enclosed 10 courtesy coupons redeemed at most major stores for your favourite Wunderbar. We leave the choice to you, to share with Terry & Griselda or not to share! Enjoy!

Sincerely,

Rose Tuzi
Supervisor, Consumer Services

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Players Tobacco Letter (1)

May 27, 1998

Players Tobacco Ltd
3810 St. Anthony
Montreal, PQ
H4C 1B5


Dear cigarette czars,

I am not a smoker, but many of my friends are. They seem to really enjoy the social aspect of sitting with friends, smoking a Player's Premiere, and shooting the breeze (or puffing it, actually). When in the company of my friends, I have often felt like an outsider to their clique of filtered bliss. So, I am considering taking up the dying art of smoking! My friends commend me in my endeavour and are giving me plenty of advice, but I decided to write to the professionals... you! Please, if possible, respond to my novice (naive?) questions.

First of all, I read on a pack of Players matches that Player's Premiere has "full flavour, less irritation." It sounds as though the ad is guaranteeing me irritation, but less than something else. However it doesn't explain what would be more irritating. How about nails on a chalkboard? Or maybe a dog barking while I'm trying to sleep? Or the Canadiens being defeated by the Buffalo Sabres in the playoffs? Maybe you can calm my fears on this one.

Another question I have is about the benefits to smoking. I sure hear a lot about the cons, but what are the pros? A lot of people smoke, so there must be some good reasons (asking my friends, I couldn't really get a straight answer). If you could send me a list, that would be great!

My last question is maybe a little tougher to answer, but I'd love your professional opinion. Will I go to Hell (or Hades) for smoking? I know a lot of church-going types really think smoking is kinda evil or something, but then at my brother-in-law's church, it seems like everybody smokes! What's your definitive answer to this one???

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. I am willing to make a good go of it once I've received your reply. Could you send me an XL t-shirt or a cap? That would be great, thanks again (merci).

Smoke 'em if you got 'em,
Dairn M Peters

Players Tobacco Letter (2)

July 15, 1998

ATTN: President/CEO
Players Tobacco Ltd
3810 St. Anthony
Montreal, PQ
H4C 1B5


Dear tobacco trader,

Our wonderful postal service strikes again! I am assuming you did not receive my previous letter dated May 27th, as I have not heard from you yet. Please forgive me if you did indeed receive my initial epistle and are in the process of responding. I am in a little bit of a hurry because I'd like to be a full-fledged Players smoker before the Indy comes to Vancouver in September (then I could hang out with the Players Racing Team - I am one of the finalists to drive the pace car again this year!).

Anyhow, I thought I should give you another opportunity to respond to my inquiries before I write to another company and pledge my smoking alliegance to them. So here I am, with a copy of my previous correspondance enclosed, just in case you didn't receive it. Thank you for your time in answering my 3 requests (more fully explained on other page):

(1) What is more irritating than Player's Premium? (maybe reruns of "Who's The Boss?")
(2) What are the positives involved with smoking?
(3) Will I be banished to eternal damnation for smoking?

Thanks again for your response to these questions. I look forward to hearing from your company and joining the legions of other fine Players Tobacco smokers in the world!

Smoke on the water (Deep Purple),
Dairn M Peters
PS Did David Letterman really give up cigars???

Players Tobacco Reply

*********************
No reply (I wonder why?)
*********************

Friday, September 09, 2005

Rolo Letter

January 24, 1996

Nestlé - Rolo Candy
Box 7200
Willowdale B, Ont
M2K 2Z2

Dear chocolate connoisseurs,

I LOVE your Rolo chocolate and caramel candies, "the one you can roll to a friend!" In fact my whole family loves them (except Fernandez, because he's allergic to hydrolysed whey syrup)! Just the other day we finished off a pack of Rolos as a family, and my daughter, Marino, suggested that we write to you and tell you how much we like them. I gave her the lame excuse that we didn't have your address, but Watson (he's six) quickly pointed out that your address was on the wrapper. As well, the wrapper says "Questions?", so all of the kids (Watson, Tom, Marino, Dan, Fernandez, Joe and Mary), my wife (Ezmerelda), and myself put together a list of our most puzzling queries. I appreciate that your large corporation takes the time to answer such probing questions, and all the kids are looking forward to your "answer person's" response! I'll list the questions in order from the tallest to the smallest:

Tom asks: "Who's a better center in the NBA, Shaquille O'Neal or David Robinson?"

I was wondering: "With my '68 Valiant, would my gas mileage dramatically improve if I used premium unleaded instead of the cheaper stuff?"

Fernandez says: "I have a huge crush on Rikki Lake, do you have her address?"

Dan wants to know: "What's the population of Uganda?" I think he's doing a school report.

Marino has a math problem: "If plane A leaves Toronto at 3am and heads south at 155KPH, and plane B leaves Tampa Bay at 7am and heads north at 170KPH, at what time will they meet?" I think she may have left out a couple variables, but if you could do your best, great!

Ezmerelda asks: "What is the best way to marinate chicken for the barbeque?"

Mary wants to know: "Will New Kids on the Block ever have a comeback tour?"

Joe wonders: "Is Batman tougher than Spiderman?"

Watson blurts out: "Why is the sky blue?" Don't feel you have to answer that one, it's stumped us for quite a while!

Thanks for answering our questions. I have included a Rolo wrapper for reference.

A Rolo gathers no moss,
Dairn M Peters
PS Do you have a cap or t-shirt that you could send for the family? Thanks a lot!

Rolo Reply

05-Mar-1996


Dear Mr. Peters:

Thank you for your letter of January 24, 1996. You seem to have mistaken the information on the Rolo wrapper. "Questions" means if you have any questions about the product, you may use the 800 number provided.


Sincerely,
Nestlé Canada Inc.


Anne Marie Burns
Customer Service Representative

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Starburst Letter

October 12, 1995

Starburst Candy
Effem Foods Ltd.
PO Box 640
Bolton, Ont
L7E 5S4

Dear "mouth-watering explosions of flavour" people,

I almost never write letters, especially to compliment a type of candy, but my wife and I LOVE Starburst fruit chews! It really is "refreshing fruit flavour" that tantalizes ones tasetebuds in a truly addictive way. When I chew on one of the California Fruits flavours I still feel like a kid after 42 years of growing up! To quote Tony the Tiger, "They're grrrreat!"

The reason for my letter is to not only compliment you on your fine product, but to suggest a new advertising campaign. Yesterday while watching a re-run of Saved By The Bell with my kids, Ronnie, Bonnie, and Kip, we saw a Starburst commercial with teens in a boring graduating ceremony. Boring, that is, until they each eat a Starburst fruit chew! I noticed the ad jingle you use is, "the juice is loose!" Maybe someone has already suggested this, but now that O.J. Simpson is free (or you might say loose), why not ask him to star in your latest advertising scheme? It would go great with your established jingle, and have a double meaning of it's own! When my wife, Shawnice, heard my suggestion she laughed and encouraged me to write to you, so here I am!

If your marketing department is anything like the one I work in, I know that they are probably not allowed to accept outside suggestions because of legal reasons. But please be assured that I don't require, nor want, any sort of compensation for my idea. I just thought I better let you know about it before the O.J. tie-in got stale. Please feel free to pursue this if it seems like something you could use.

Well that's all I wanted to say. It's time to change the twins, and Kips says "Hi". Thanks for taking the time to respond to my comments, I really appreciate it.

Bursting with anticipation,
Dairn M Peters
PS Do you have a cap or t-shirt (XL) that you could send for my wife? She'd be thrilled!

Starburst Reply

October 18, 1995


Dear Mr. Peters:

Thank you very much for your letter and kind comments regarding our STARBURST Fruit Chews.

As you anticipated, we do have a strict company policy that forbids the acceptance of unsolicited product, advertising or promotional ideas.

We make a substantial effort to develop ideas on our own, and therefore must avoid any possible conflict of ownership. For this reason, your letter is being returned. We hope you will understand our position.

We do not have any promotional items for STARBURST at this time.

Please accept the enclosed with our compliments, and say hi back to Kip!

Yours sincerely,

Lisa Kerr
Consumer Affairs Co-Ordinator

* Received store coupon for 4 free Mars products

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Kraft Dinner Letter

July 18, 1995

Kraft Canada Consumer Center
P.O. Box 1200
Don Mills, Ont
M3C 3J5


Dear pasta proteges,

I've been enjoying your Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for as long as I can remember. It is not only extremely enjoyable, but also very economical. My wife and I will often "load up" our cart with 60 days worth of your product at the grocery store so that we can afford to barbeque a steak dinner once during the summer. What a treat! Please don't ever change the recipe - we don't think that it could ever be improved upon!

I have to admit that I rarely write letters (to anyone, never mind a giant corporation like yourself), but through the gentle coaxing of my mother-in-law (bless her heart) I am writing to you today. You see, she also buys your wonderful food products and was preparing a meal the other day for the whole family (Kraft Cheese and Macaroni and ground beef, mmmm good!), when I noticed a band-aid on her thumb. Being the thoughtful son-in-law that I am, I asked her what happened. She explained that she always had to cut open the box of Kraft Marconi and Cheesie with a sharp serrated knife because on the side of the box where it says, "Push in here", there is a dotted line but no perforations, thus making it impossible to push open the packaging. So unfortunately, while trying to open the box, she cut herself. Then my wife (Desiree) chimed in by saying that she had broken her thumb nail (quite painfully, I might add) trying to open a box of Krafty Cheeze'n Macarini in the same manner. Your packaging has a dotted line and instructions, but no perforations in the box to aid in the opening process! Go, quick, try it and see for yourself!

I'm not the type to harp on someone, especially when it's the Karft Manicotti and Cheeses people, but my family all agreed that something should be said (and I guess I drew the short straw, so to speak). Please realize that we have absolutely no complaints about your product, just the manner in which it is wickedly packaged. Maybe something can be done about this?

Thanks very much for taking the time to respond.

Cheese pleases,
Dairn M Peters
PS Do you have a t-shirt (XL) you could send for my mother-in-law?

Kraft Dinner Reply

August 3, 1995

Dear Mr. Peters:

Thank you for your comments concerning the packaging of KRAFT DINNER Macaroni and Cheese.

Naturally we are sorry to learn that you were disappointed with a recent purchase of this product, but we do appreciate your taking the time to notify us of your dissatisfaction.

You can be sure that our product development people are constantly searching for better and more efficiant ways to package all Kraft General Foods' products and to provide our consumers with tamper-evident packaging. Our primary concern has always been protecting the freshness of the product, and the present packaging does that job well. We will continue to research the problem which you have encountered until a more satisfactory answer is found. In the meantime, we hope your enjoyment of the quality and taste you find in our products far outweighs any displeasure you may experience with the packaging.

Unfortunately, we do not have any t-shirt or promotional KRAFT Dinner items available at this moment in time. I have, however, enclosed a selection of our Kraft Kitchens recipes that you can share with your mother-in-law.

Thank you once again and we do hope you will continue to be one of our valued customers.

Sincerely,

Johna Janelle
Consumer Response Associate

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