United Nations Letter
February 25, 1999
ATTN: Secretary General Kofi Annan
United Nations HQ
New York, NY
10017
Dear Emissary of Global Peace,
On a recent trip to my nation's capital city, Ottawa, my travelling companions and I encountered a mystifying problem that could have world-wide implications. Not one of us (all three of us grown, educated men) could figure out how to operate the hotel room's heating and cooling system! After numerous nights at the Howard Johnson tossing and turning due to the "too hot" or "too cool" room conditions, we came to the conclusion that this may be a problem in other countries of the world as well. In fact, the outbreak of a revolution or even full-scale war could hinge upon the good night's rest of a foreign dictator.
We all drew straws to see who would write a letter to the world's most influential association in order to address this pertinent need, and I got the short one. Our question for you, Most Honourable Secretary General Anan, is this: "Can the U.N. enforce the regulation of all public heating and cooling systems so that anyone (even full-grown men) can use them properly?"
Of course, we do not suggest to impose our imposition upon yourself without suggesting some suggestions to this resolution:
ATTN: Secretary General Kofi Annan
United Nations HQ
New York, NY
10017
Dear Emissary of Global Peace,
On a recent trip to my nation's capital city, Ottawa, my travelling companions and I encountered a mystifying problem that could have world-wide implications. Not one of us (all three of us grown, educated men) could figure out how to operate the hotel room's heating and cooling system! After numerous nights at the Howard Johnson tossing and turning due to the "too hot" or "too cool" room conditions, we came to the conclusion that this may be a problem in other countries of the world as well. In fact, the outbreak of a revolution or even full-scale war could hinge upon the good night's rest of a foreign dictator.
We all drew straws to see who would write a letter to the world's most influential association in order to address this pertinent need, and I got the short one. Our question for you, Most Honourable Secretary General Anan, is this: "Can the U.N. enforce the regulation of all public heating and cooling systems so that anyone (even full-grown men) can use them properly?"
Of course, we do not suggest to impose our imposition upon yourself without suggesting some suggestions to this resolution:
- Mark all heating knobs and switches with a "universal" symbol for heat. (possibly a devil character with horns and pitchfork - Hell is hot, no?)
- Mark all air conditioning knobs and switches with a "universal" symbol for cool. (possibly a devil character with a parka and scarf - for when Hell freezes over)
- In each hotel room, enforce the addition of extra blankets and windows that open. (uncooperative hotels will have a rock star or the US Olympic hockey team stay for one week)
- Close the RAMADA INNS across this great continent of ours once and for all!
- Give special room rates to dictators and world leaders who tend to get cranky without a good rest.
These are only a few of our suggestions for world peace. Please feel free to let me know in your return letter if you would like to pursue more avenues of global harmony. Thank you so much for taking your time to respond! I appreciate the work that you do for our country and all the nations that are united together (except Madagascar - I don't trust them).
I'd like to teach the world to sing,
Dairn M Peters
PS Do you have a U.N. t-shirt (XL) you could send for Terry & Lion? That would be great!
posted by Dairn | 11:25 AM
4 Comments:
awe...
you want to teach the world to sing.
that's precious.
(or something)
Hahaha, yeah "or something!"
:-D
This is probably the best letter I've read!
It's so true about hotel heating/air conditioning! I can NEVER figure them out!
It IS of major importance and I thought for sure the UN would do something about it. But they're probably working on some other "pressing issue" like world hunger or something... sheesh!
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