Old Dutch Letter

July 10, 1995

Old Dutch Foods Ltd (Chip Div.)
100 Bentall St
Winnipeg, Manitoba
R2X 3Y5


Dear Crunchy Comrades,

Your chips are the best! My favourite flavours are barbeque and salt & vinegar. I am writing to you because I think that you could use a saying in your advertisements that my dad always says. He always says, "If it ain't Dutch, it ain't much!" Could you use that as a slogan or something? I think your chip competition would be toasted! I think that my dad always says that because we originally came from the country where Dutch people come from (not Dutchland!), Germany or something. My dad grew up in Winnipeg and talks about skating on the Red River, then he moved out here to B.C. I've tried "Red River" cereal and I didn't like it, but that's not your fault.

Please write back and let me know what you think of my dad's saying. I'm glad the Jets are staying in your city. I like Selanne. Bye.

No chip on my shoulder,

Dairn M Peters

PS Could you send a cap or t-shirt (XL) for my dad and my brother Hans? (He helped me type this)

Old Dutch Reply

August 3, 1995


Dear Dairn:

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your letter. We are always pleased to hear from a satisfied customer.

To show our appreciation we are enclosing a letter which entitles you to one 200 gram box of Old Dutch Potato Chips. We hope that you will enjoy them.

We will forward your advertising suggestion to our marketing department.

Yours truly,

Larry Starr
Sales Manager

Esso Letter

May 25, 1995

Esso Customer Service
90 Wynford Drive
North York, Ontario
M3C 1K5


Dear petrol professionals,

I have been using your fine products in my cars since I've been able to drive (approx. 9 years), and have consistently been impressed with the quality of your various grades of gasoline and motor oils. Your employees are always knowledgeable, courteous and helpful. I very much appreciate your stations that have 24 hour service, and also the stations with mini stores. I'm sure your many gas depots that are affiliated with the 7-11 food stores have become a rousing success and, no doubt, a profitable co-existence for both parties. Also, in past years your sponsorship of Hockey Night In Canada has played an integral part in keeping a national institution on our proud Canadian airwaves. Keep up the great work!

The main reason for this letter is to congratulate you on your recent marketing endeavour. It must have been quite the coup to secure a deal with Kelloggs in order to have "Tony the Tiger" star in all of your TV and paper advertisements! Being an Esso user and a closet Frosted Flakes fan (sshhh, don't tell anyone), I see this move as a stroke of genius! Whoever thought of the gasoline/cereal combination should be commended and promoted in order to not waste his/her obvious talents, just to be stuck in some marketing think-tank! The TV spots show a warmer, more helpful and friendly "Tony", who is not only out there getting kids to "show 'em you're a tiger", but to allow for the taking care of everyday needs, which just happen to include getting a fill up, and maybe a car wash. Another nice touch is to have the gas pump hoses wrapped in orange tape to give them a "Tony the Tiger" tail look (I've seen them at the station on the corner of Willingdon and Kingsway, here in Burnaby). It only makes sense that the proud stripes on a tiger should be associated with Canada's pride of the petroleum industry!

Before I sign off, I would like to make a suggestion. How about giving out a bowl of Frosted Flakes cereal with each fill (25L or more)? Or even just one of those single serving boxes if it's too difficult to keep bowls and milk on hand? This would be perfect for those of us who don't always have time for a wholesome breakfast before work. Also, more people may get to try Frosted Flakes for the first time, or renew that longing for sugar coated cereal that gets pushed aside with age. Besides, who doesn't love Frosted Flakes? "They're Grrrrreat!"

Please let me know what you think of my suggestion by letter, because with my line of work, I'm often on the road using up my tank of Esso gas!

"Shell" is hell,

Dairn M Peters

PS I haven't heard Tony the Tiger speak on any of your commercials. Are you having trouble getting Tony's "voice" under contract?

Esso Reply

June 6, 1995


Dear Mr. Peters:

Re: File #207460

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for having taken the time to express your satisfaction with Esso's products and services. It is always a pleasure to hear from our customers, especially when their experiences have been so positive. We are very proud of the people associated with our organization and are always delighted to learn that their commitment to service excellence is appreciated.

With regard to your comments concerning one of Imperial's recent marketing campaigns, please allow me to explain that the Esso Tiger featured in our advertising is in no way associated with a breakfast cereal or Kelloggs. The Esso Tiger has been a part of our advertising strategy for almost 30 years and it promotes Esso's motor gasoline and other petroleum-related products and services.

Once again, Mr. Peters, thank you for having found the time to write to our centre. It is our hope that you will continue to use Esso products and services and grant us the opportunity to earn our stripes!

Sincerely yours,


David E. J. Sims
Customer Service Coordinator

ICBC Letter

July 17, 1998

Mr. T.M. Thompson - Pres/CEO
Insurance Corporation of BC
151 West Esplanade
North Vancouver, BC
V7M 3H9

Dear Insurance Icon,

Thank you very much for your kindly reminder about my vehicle storage insurance expiring soon, it's nice to know that someone is looking after me and my personal car insurance needs. Your letter outlining my premiums and deductible was appreciated, and I will make sure that my coverage is promptly extended.

However, needless to say, I was extremely disturbed by the final sentence of your letter, "Also, please note the following: Road Sense - it starts with you."

WHY ME??? Why was I chosen out of the thousands of BC drivers for this heavy responsibility, and do I have any legal recourse to decline this "supposed" honour? I am guessing that because of my exemplary road record and ICBC RoadStar status my name was bandied about by your team of insurance professionals, but isn't there anyone else? I'm only 28 for Pete's sake! My dad has a longer and possibly better record than me (except for that incident in 1979 with the chicken truck). Even my wife (Stella) would be a better choice. She's never had a speeding or parking ticket, and I've had plenty! Two of my dogs were run over when I was young - road sense just never seemed to run in the family! I haven't been able to sleep well since receiving your letter a few weeks ago, and I finally got up the courage to write back. Please think twice before making me the provincial example for all to follow!

Irregardless of your final decision, I have a few questions for you.

1. If Road Sense starts with me, is it something I can pass on to someone else fairly soon (like, "tag, you're it")? This would relieve SOME of the enormous pressure.

2. Do I get any monetary benefits with being chosen? (Maybe cold hard cash or no insurance payments for the rest of my lifetime?)

3. Do my criminal charges get wiped off my permanent record? (If you didn't know about them, please disregard this question)

Thank you so much for responding to my questions, and your reconsideration of me for this tremendous task. I will rest easier when I read your personal reply. Do you have an ICBC cap or t-shirt (XL) for my dad? He'd be thrilled! Thanks a lot.

Insured Confidently By Colt,

Dairn M Peters

ICBC Reply

August 17, 1998


Dear Dairn M Peters:

Thank you for your letter of July 20, 1998.

I regret any distress the RoadSense message on the bottom of your Notice to Renew may have caused you. You will be pleased to learn that this message is included on every Notice to Renew, which are regularly sent out to thousands of ICBC policyholders throughout British Columbia. In this regard, you have not been singled out in any way. I hope this information relieves the feelings of personal pressure you described in your letter.

To answer your questions, in order:

1. No, ICBC believes that each individual driver must take responsibility for driving in a safe and sensible way. It is reassuring to be informed that your father and wife Stella have taken this message to heart. Perhaps if others had shown some "RoadSense", you would not have suffered the regrettable loss of your family pets.

2. Yes, your insurance rates remain lower than otherwise. If everyone gets the RoadSense message, they will go down even further, with a corresponding decrease in injuries and fatalities. As a young married man, I am sure the prospect of a long, healthy life means as much to you as any monetary benefits.

3. As you suggest, I am disregarding the question that refers to your criminal record.

Given your keen interest in this topic, I am pleased to enclose a RoadSense hat for you. As well, to thank your father and your wife for their support, I have also included two RoadSense t-shirts for them. As you might imagine, our hundreds of community supporters and volunteers wear these shirts and hats with a great deal of pride - and I hope in time, you will, too.

Iconoclastically,


Thom M. Thompson
President and Chief Executive Officer

Mr. Submarine Letter (1)

August 11, 1995


Mr. Submarine
#208-3767 Norfolk St.
Burnaby, BC
V5G 1E3


Dear u-boaters,

I have been a submarine enthusiast since seeing Disney's 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea as a young child. Boy, that was a classic submarine epic, with the forces of good and evil battling to an awesome climax of danger and suspense (and, of course having a giant squid in the script never hurts!). I'd like to congratulate you on your dedication to submarine research. Anyone who has been named "Mr. Submarine" must be the epitome of underwater exploration. Jacques Cousteau, look out!

My letter is intended to not only be a congratulatory note, but to ask a question as well: "Can I get a job researching submarines with your (assumingly) extensive team of professionals?" I know that I possess the drive and determination required to join your corporation, and I believe that I also have a good handle on much of the knowledge required to be a contributing submarine analyst. You see, I've rented almost every movie made with submarines in them, from Das Boot to Hunt for Red October. I have seen Crimson Tide (with Gene Hackman) twice in the theatre, and have watched The Enemy Below on Sunday afternoon TV about four times! I think that I'm more than ready for my first assignment on the Mr. Submarine crew.

Please respond to my request by mail as I can't hear the phone ring while I'm in my pool practising for oceanic depressurization.

We all live in a yellow submarine,

Dairn M Peters

PS Could you send me a Mr. Submarine cap or t-shirt for my father-in-law? He's an ex-Navy commander and it would mean so much to him!

Mr. Submarine Letter (2)

September 21, 1995

Attn: Mr. Dan Jeffries
Mr. Submarine
#208-3767 Norfolk St.
Burnaby, BC V5G 1E3


Dear Captain Dan,

I wrote a letter to Mr. Submarine exactly 41 days ago (a nuclear sub could have travelled under the polar ice cap in that time), and I asked if he needed any help with his crew of submarine experts. I have heard no reply whatsoever, so that is when I got a hold of your name as someone who may be able to assist me.

Please respond to my letter (I enclosed a copy of the original) or pass it to someone who may be able to respond. I know that a lot of your time may be taken up out at sea (or under it, or whatever), and I am now, at this very moment, preparing to take job offers from Subway, Sub Stop, and Ned's Scuba World (a possible stepping stone to future submarine work, I'm sure).

Thanks for taking the time to answer my original letter and question. If you are not hiring at this time I will understand, but please don't leave me hanging.

"Darn the torpedoes",

Dairn M Peters

PS My father-in-law's birthday is coming up in early October and it would mean so much to him if you could send a Mr. Sub cap or t-shirt (XL). Do you have any?

Mr. Submarine Reply

11/13/95


Dear Mr. Peters:

Please accept my apologies for such a long delay in responding to your correspondence. As you know the mail is not delivered that frequently to us 'u-boaters'.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading both of your letters. However, at this time we have a full crew here at H.Q. (me). If you are looking for placement at one of the franchised shops, contact the respective skippers directly.

I do however, think you are pursuing the wrong boat. You ought to be in the journalism business. Your letters were nothing short of first class.


Sincerely,

Dan Jeffries
Regional Manager, BC
Mr. Submarine Ltd.

Nerf Letter

July 22, 1996

Hasbro Promotions and Direct, Inc.
PO Box 9
Pawtucket, RI
02862-0009


Dear terrific toy people,

I am ecstatic about your fun, but safe, line of NERF toys! For the past few years I have been purchasing NERF products for the birthdays of my nieces and nephews. They just love the creative ways that they can have fun when using your soft, plush (and very safe) toys! Recently I purchased a NERF bow and arrow for my nephew, Jeffrey, and his joyous reaction prompted me to write you a letter and tell you how much I appreciate your company.

You see, about 17 years ago I was running in the house with a pair of scissors in my hand (I can't recall why I had the scissors, but you get the picture). Of course just as my wife (Joni) yelled at me, "don't run with scissors in your hand", I tripped over the foot rest in the living room (just like the Dick Van Dyke Show) and put my eye out. Well, since then, I haven't run with anything sharp, and I don't even like to hold anything with a pointy end! I sort of look like a pirate now (with my patch), and I try to teach kids a lesson that I learned the hard way. I am totally "sold" on the benefits of NERF products (no sharp pointy ends) and I let everyone know that they are safe and fun toys with which to play.

When I saw your address on the box of Jeffrey's toy, I just felt that I should write (I almost never write anyone because it's tough to focus with one eye). I enclosed my proof of purchase. Please accept my sincere gratitude for continuing to create such a fine product. Is it possible to send a NERF cap for my hat collection, and a couple of refill arrows for his toy? Thanks a lot for responding to my letter!

I'll keep an eye out for you,

Dairn M Peters

PS You guys are the greatest!

Nerf Reply

August 1, 1996


Dear Mr. Peters,

Thank you for contacting the Hasbro Toy Group. We appreciate you taking the time to let us know how much you enjoy our products.

Consumer satisfaction is very important to us, and it's great to know that we can include you among our many satisfied consumers. We will share your comments with our management team so that they are also aware of your views.

We want to assure you that all of us who are part of the Hasbro Toy Group are dedicated to maintaining quality products and service. We hope you and your family will continue to enjoy our products for many years to come.

Again, thank you for contacting us, and for your kind words.

Sincerely,

Ana C. Marin
Consumer Affairs Representative

Fruitopia Letter

June 12, 1996

Coca-Cola Company
Attn: President or CEO
PO Drawer 1734
Atlanta, GA 30301


Dear fruity drink producers,

I love Fruitopia, and by the looks of it, so do hundreds of "kids" between the ages of 65 and 95. As assistant director of a Seniors summer camp program, I know firsthand the popularity of your product among the golden agers! At first they were skeptical when we brought in Fruitopia as one of the beverages in the camp store, but now your miracle drink (Fruitopia doubles their energy level) outsells your competitor, "Crapple" (name changed to protect the guilty), ten to one! In fact, the seniors drink more Fruitopia than prune juice, which had been our best seller for over 15 years. To your people at Coke a hearty "Bravo, and well done!"

When I called the 1-800 number on the Fruitopia label, an operator at Coca-Cola in Atlanta named Brad gave me this address and advised me to direct my glowing letter of praise and appreciation to the President (but since I didn't have Clinton's address at the White House, I thought I'd write you instead.... just kidding!). One question that some of our "clients" have posed to me is, "Will Fruitopia be coming out with a prune flavoured drink in the near future?" Of course I haven't been able to answer this, but if you could let me know I'd be much obliged (prune juice isn't all that bad!).

Thanks for taking the time from your busy schedule to respond to my letter and inquiry. Is it possible to send me a Fruitopia cap for my collection? I appreciate what you do, and over 200 old timers do too!

Juice for geriatrics,

Dairn M Peters

PS Fruitopia is the official drink of our "Granny Olympics" this year!

Fruitopia Reply (1)

July 8, 1996

Dear Mr. Peters:

We enjoyed reading your letter regarding the popularity of Fruitopia at your seniors' summer camp program. We are pleased to know that Fruitopia has become the drink of choice for many of the campers.

While we appreciate your interest in a prune-flavored Fruitopia, we are unable to say if this product is in our future plans. New products are always being considered by our Company; however, for competitive, and other reasons, which we are sure you will understand, our new product research is confidential.

Unfortunately, Mr. Peters, because of trademark restrictions in Canada, I am unable to send you the FRuitopia cap you requested. However, I hope you will enjoy the enclosed coupons as a small way of our saying thanks for taking the time to write!

Sincerely,

Susan Righter
Consumer Affairs Specialist

Encl: Canadian Fruitopia Coupons (2) & Fruitopia Ingredients Chart

Fruitopia Reply (2)

September 27, 1996


Dear Mr. Peters:

Thank you very much for your recent letter about Fruitopia.

This product is, indeed, very popular with kids of ALL ages, and we were thrilled to hear that Fruitopia was chosen as the drink of choice for the Granny Olympics! In Atlanta, PowerAde was the Official Sports Drink of The Centennial Olympic Games, but perhaps we should have followed you and used Fruitopia instead!

Unfortunately, we have no plans at present to introduce a prune-flavoured Fruitopia, but I will definitely pass a copy of your letter along to our Marketing Department so that they can consider this.

Although we don't have any Fruitopia items that we can send for all 200 of your young-at-heart Olympians, we are happy to enclose these caps which perhaps can be used as prizes. We thank you for taking the time to share these moments with us.

Sincerely,

Janet Horansky
Consumer Affairs

* Enclosed: 24 Fruitopia caps

BiC Letter

September 18, 1995

BiC Corporation
Customer Service Dept
Milford, CT
06460


Dear plastic pen professionals,

BiC is the epitome of salvation for money conscious students across this great continent of ours! I love BiC pens! I love the simplistic way they look and feel in my hand, while still providing a smooth flow of ink from the ball point to the recycled paper I write on. Almost everyone I have ever spoken to has used a BiC pen at some point in their lives, so I am led to believe that BiC is the most popular (not to mention most reliable) pen on the planet. Take THAT Paper Mate! Long live the many colours and styles of BiC writing utensils!!!

The reason for my letter (I rarely, if ever, write letters) is due to a comment my sister-in-law, Shaloncia, brought up during a late night Rook game: "How come everyone chews the caps or ends of BiC pens?" Needless to say everyone was tired and a lot of weird things were said, but this question deserved some merit. I, while chewing my trusty blue, medium ink, BiC pen, had no answers for Shally (as her family calls her). I told her to write to you, but she thought it was a stupid question for which there may not be an adequate answer. So here I am, unbeknownst to her, writing to the BiC corporation asking if you know why people chew on your carefully crafted pens?

I, of course, will fully understand if you have no answer to our query, but an idea of Shally's struck me as ingenious: since so many people use BiC pens (and possibly chew on them), why not have flavoured caps on your wonderful products??? I think it would be a great idea for two reasons: FIRST, people wouldn't be sucking on that bland plastic flavour anymore, but a fruity (or whatever) flavour which could stir up one's taste buds as much as one's creative juices; and SECOND, more people would be chewing, so more pens would have to be purchased due to toothy wear and tear on your pens. You make more money, and the purchasing public gets more satisfaction out of using your product! Different flavour ideas could be mint, tootie-frootie, cinnamon, bacon, salt & vinegar, or even liver and onions for those with discerning tastes. Or what about nicotine flavoured pen caps for those trying to quit smoking? The possibilities are endless!

If possible, please write back and let me know what you think of Shally's idea. She will be absolutely thrilled when I pass on a letter from you to her regarding her question and suggestion. Thanks for taking the time to read a letter from a proud Canadian BiC pen user!

Think ink,

Dairn M Peters

PS Do you have a nice BiC cap or t-shirt (XL) that you could send for Shaloncia? Thanks again!

BiC Reply

November 10, 1995


Dear Dairn:

We have received your letter telling us how much you enjoy using BIC Pens.

Letters like yours tell us our efforts to provide high quality products are appreciated. Consumers have a large selection of writing instruments available to them with the BIC Trademark which means quality at a reasonable price.

You mentioned your discussion with your sister-in-law, Shally, about why people chew the caps of their pens and why we don't make flavored caps. While we are aware that many of our consumers chew on our pens, we do discourage people from putting pens, pen caps or other items not intended for consumption in their mouths.

We have enclosed a complimentary selection of writing instruments for you and Shally to use. We know you will be pleased with the way they write.

Thank you for taking the time to write to us and for your interest in our products.

Sincerely,

Laura Ceballos
Consumer Affairs