PETA Letter
March 1, 2001
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
501 Front Street
Norfolk, VA
23510
USA
Dear Peta-philes,
Thank you so much for all you do in your international fight for animal rights! You truly are my real life heroes! I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and own 8 dogs, 3 horses, 6 budgies, 4 geckos, 1 turtle, 17 bunnies (oops, now 18!), and numerous fish. The dogs are black and white border collies that look very similar because I have to take them out two at a time (I can only legally have 2 small pets in my apartment building - shhh!), and the horses are at my uncle's ranch. A scary hamster incident in the hallway 18 months ago almost ruined everything, but the landlord is practically deaf, so I haven't been caught yet.
Anyways, the reason for my letter is to seek absolution. You see, 10 days ago - Saturday, Feb 17th - I accidentally, inadvertently stepped on a Daddy Long-Legs spider while on a walk with Shelby and Bob Barker (two of my wonderful canines). I saw the little critter at the last second, but my leg, now on it's downward footfall, was unable to avoid the squishing impact. It was crushed and so was I!
I have been an ardent animal supporter ever since a truck ran over my puppy (Rascal) when I was 8 years old. And I have been ever so careful to avoid tragic loss like the spider for the last 22 years. Since the incident, I have been unable to sleep. I even tried to gently revive the little guy by straightening out his legs and blowing softly on his mangled furry bodice. The recovery seems hopeless (although he is now safely tucked away in my freezer for future attempts, if the technology ever exists - kind of a cryogenic sleep, so to speak).
My main question for you is this: Can you ever forgive me? Please find it in your heart to absolve me of this heinous act, and take note of my remorseful and repentant attitude. I did not mean to rid the earth of one of Mother Nature's great creatures, and I now beg your forgiveness. I have been unable to find a local animal "priest" who may help me with my situation (there is a sorry lack of animal compassion in Canada, I must admit). Please respond to my plea as soon as you are able. Until I am exonerated by your higher authority, I will be haunted by the "squish" of Mr. Lanky (the name I have bestowed on the dearly departed).
Also, do you have an XL t-shirt I could give to my sister-in-law? She is an animal lover as well. Thanks for your most serious attention to this matter, I'm indebted to you.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
501 Front Street
Norfolk, VA
23510
USA
Dear Peta-philes,
Thank you so much for all you do in your international fight for animal rights! You truly are my real life heroes! I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and own 8 dogs, 3 horses, 6 budgies, 4 geckos, 1 turtle, 17 bunnies (oops, now 18!), and numerous fish. The dogs are black and white border collies that look very similar because I have to take them out two at a time (I can only legally have 2 small pets in my apartment building - shhh!), and the horses are at my uncle's ranch. A scary hamster incident in the hallway 18 months ago almost ruined everything, but the landlord is practically deaf, so I haven't been caught yet.
Anyways, the reason for my letter is to seek absolution. You see, 10 days ago - Saturday, Feb 17th - I accidentally, inadvertently stepped on a Daddy Long-Legs spider while on a walk with Shelby and Bob Barker (two of my wonderful canines). I saw the little critter at the last second, but my leg, now on it's downward footfall, was unable to avoid the squishing impact. It was crushed and so was I!
I have been an ardent animal supporter ever since a truck ran over my puppy (Rascal) when I was 8 years old. And I have been ever so careful to avoid tragic loss like the spider for the last 22 years. Since the incident, I have been unable to sleep. I even tried to gently revive the little guy by straightening out his legs and blowing softly on his mangled furry bodice. The recovery seems hopeless (although he is now safely tucked away in my freezer for future attempts, if the technology ever exists - kind of a cryogenic sleep, so to speak).
My main question for you is this: Can you ever forgive me? Please find it in your heart to absolve me of this heinous act, and take note of my remorseful and repentant attitude. I did not mean to rid the earth of one of Mother Nature's great creatures, and I now beg your forgiveness. I have been unable to find a local animal "priest" who may help me with my situation (there is a sorry lack of animal compassion in Canada, I must admit). Please respond to my plea as soon as you are able. Until I am exonerated by your higher authority, I will be haunted by the "squish" of Mr. Lanky (the name I have bestowed on the dearly departed).
Also, do you have an XL t-shirt I could give to my sister-in-law? She is an animal lover as well. Thanks for your most serious attention to this matter, I'm indebted to you.
No more chicken pitas for me,
Dairn M Peters
posted by Dairn | 9:47 AM
5 Comments:
i almost stepped on a praying mantis the other day. i would have gotten in trouble for that-- they are still an endangered species, i think.
i thought it was jsut a leaf... cuz i love stomping on leaves and hearing them crunch. thankfully, i realiized what it was first.
then i picked it up and let it crawl all over me, before then placing it safely in the flowerbed.
Ewww!
Poor Mr. Lanky. You should be thrown in jail! Murderer!
Did you run out of letters?
That would be very sad, indeed.
I have a few more. Sorry for the lag in postings as life has this habit of cropping up once in a while....
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