Columbia House Reply
* NOTE: This is easily the best response I've ever received - enjoy!
June 22, 1998
Re: CDs versus LPs/8-Tracks
Dear Dairn;
Thank you for your letter of June 5, 1998.
We appreciate and rejoice in your elation due to the arrival of our offer of application and we do also share in your pain and discomfort at the lack of selections in 8-track and/or vinyl format. Unfortunately, due to the "rule of majority", demand for these forms of musical preservation have unfortunately gone the way of the dodo or (in more recent memory) the fine Pacer automobile. Take heart though, as the VW Beetle seems to have made a resurgence!
Though I am not familiar with the Seventh Day Mormon religion, I am sure if they do permit the prevailing technology of the Seventies to be utilized for your personal gratification and edification, surely you might be able to sway the decision makers of this particular religious sect. Perhaps including the following arguments may help to soften the impact of newer technology:
Unlike LPs, 45s and 8-Tracks, CDs don't produce music through the physical touching of the components, but through an incredible "laser" technology. (If you have seen "Star Trek" it is similar to their fictional "phasers" but with much less destructive force. A technology used for the greater good of man, not evil. Does your religion permit the viewing of television?)
Also, CDs carry all the music on only one side of the shiny disc, so there is no more annoying "ka-CHUNK" of an 8-Track changing channels, or the constant 20 minute trip to the turntable to lift the LP, flip it 180 degrees, clean the dust motes and continue the playing of the second side.
As well, with our wonderful CDs, you can forever kiss goodbye those aggravating hisses, pops and squeaks of a record with too much dust. CDs are also much more resistant to warping, so it's much safer to transport them in your vehicle of choice (a good feature for those remaining AMC Pacer owners - the sheer window space of this car is enough to drive one mad due to the unencumbered view of the outside world rushing past!).
As a further enticement to your religious elders (if I may be so bold), you may wish to offer them some sort of bargain on some of your fine polyester garments. I am sure you would be safe in assuming the loss would be quickly offset by the incredible bargains offered through our Music Club. I am sorry we cannot send the requested Columbia House T-shirt, though you do seem to be in the advantageous position of possibly designing something along that line yourself out of polyester!
In closing, I hope this missive answers the many questions you seem to need education on. I will take the liberty of enclosing another application in hopes that you may wax eloquent enough to bring the power and pleasures of the 90's to all the Seventh Day Mormons in Burnaby, nay, the world!
Musically (and technologically) yours,
Tobin Elliott
Supervisor, Customer Service
June 22, 1998
Re: CDs versus LPs/8-Tracks
Dear Dairn;
Thank you for your letter of June 5, 1998.
We appreciate and rejoice in your elation due to the arrival of our offer of application and we do also share in your pain and discomfort at the lack of selections in 8-track and/or vinyl format. Unfortunately, due to the "rule of majority", demand for these forms of musical preservation have unfortunately gone the way of the dodo or (in more recent memory) the fine Pacer automobile. Take heart though, as the VW Beetle seems to have made a resurgence!
Though I am not familiar with the Seventh Day Mormon religion, I am sure if they do permit the prevailing technology of the Seventies to be utilized for your personal gratification and edification, surely you might be able to sway the decision makers of this particular religious sect. Perhaps including the following arguments may help to soften the impact of newer technology:
Unlike LPs, 45s and 8-Tracks, CDs don't produce music through the physical touching of the components, but through an incredible "laser" technology. (If you have seen "Star Trek" it is similar to their fictional "phasers" but with much less destructive force. A technology used for the greater good of man, not evil. Does your religion permit the viewing of television?)
Also, CDs carry all the music on only one side of the shiny disc, so there is no more annoying "ka-CHUNK" of an 8-Track changing channels, or the constant 20 minute trip to the turntable to lift the LP, flip it 180 degrees, clean the dust motes and continue the playing of the second side.
As well, with our wonderful CDs, you can forever kiss goodbye those aggravating hisses, pops and squeaks of a record with too much dust. CDs are also much more resistant to warping, so it's much safer to transport them in your vehicle of choice (a good feature for those remaining AMC Pacer owners - the sheer window space of this car is enough to drive one mad due to the unencumbered view of the outside world rushing past!).
As a further enticement to your religious elders (if I may be so bold), you may wish to offer them some sort of bargain on some of your fine polyester garments. I am sure you would be safe in assuming the loss would be quickly offset by the incredible bargains offered through our Music Club. I am sorry we cannot send the requested Columbia House T-shirt, though you do seem to be in the advantageous position of possibly designing something along that line yourself out of polyester!
In closing, I hope this missive answers the many questions you seem to need education on. I will take the liberty of enclosing another application in hopes that you may wax eloquent enough to bring the power and pleasures of the 90's to all the Seventh Day Mormons in Burnaby, nay, the world!
Musically (and technologically) yours,
Tobin Elliott
Supervisor, Customer Service
posted by Dairn | 10:45 AM
2 Comments:
Wow, Mr Elliot is goooood! Or else he reads your blog is a closet fan.
No doubt. They must've said, "Hey Tobin, here's one for ya!" LOL
Post a Comment
<< Home