Coca-Cola Letter
August 16, 1995
V.P. of Coca-Cola Ltd
2450 United Blvd
Coquitlam, BC
V3K 6G2
Dear cola colossus,
I love your product! I drink more Coca-Cola (or Coke, as it will be addressed henceforth in this letter) than practically any other liquid on the face of this earth! However, I have a friend named "Lisa Tremblay" (name changed to protect the innocent) who drinks even more than me and I am afraid that she may be addicted to your beverage. She takes cans of Coke with her everywhere: to work; to school; on camping trips; she even made herself a special over-sized purse so that she could store it more efficiently and bring it on airplanes! She is always so afraid that your fine product may not be accessible at her destinations, that she even has trouble sleeping at night (unless she downs a 2 litre bottle of Coke before bed).
Anyhow, I've heard rumours that your product may be made from 100% Columbian cocaine, and I think that is why she is addicted. "Lisa" grew up in northern Quebec drinking your product from a very young age and is now, doubtlessly, putting through college the families of Coca-Cola's entire middle management team! (This is based on an average consumption rate of 74.5, 355ml cans per week) Amazingly, she is in perfect health!
My three questions for you are: (1) Does Coke have cocaine in it's ingredients, (2) if so, how can it be sold so cheaply, and (3) was I the only person on the planet to like your new improved Coke a few years ago???
I'm quite shy and almost never write letters, so I really appreciate your busy corporation taking the time to address my questions and concerns.
V.P. of Coca-Cola Ltd
2450 United Blvd
Coquitlam, BC
V3K 6G2
Dear cola colossus,
I love your product! I drink more Coca-Cola (or Coke, as it will be addressed henceforth in this letter) than practically any other liquid on the face of this earth! However, I have a friend named "Lisa Tremblay" (name changed to protect the innocent) who drinks even more than me and I am afraid that she may be addicted to your beverage. She takes cans of Coke with her everywhere: to work; to school; on camping trips; she even made herself a special over-sized purse so that she could store it more efficiently and bring it on airplanes! She is always so afraid that your fine product may not be accessible at her destinations, that she even has trouble sleeping at night (unless she downs a 2 litre bottle of Coke before bed).
Anyhow, I've heard rumours that your product may be made from 100% Columbian cocaine, and I think that is why she is addicted. "Lisa" grew up in northern Quebec drinking your product from a very young age and is now, doubtlessly, putting through college the families of Coca-Cola's entire middle management team! (This is based on an average consumption rate of 74.5, 355ml cans per week) Amazingly, she is in perfect health!
My three questions for you are: (1) Does Coke have cocaine in it's ingredients, (2) if so, how can it be sold so cheaply, and (3) was I the only person on the planet to like your new improved Coke a few years ago???
I'm quite shy and almost never write letters, so I really appreciate your busy corporation taking the time to address my questions and concerns.
Always,
Dairn M Peters
PS I've been looking for a Coca-Cola cap or (XL) t-shirt for my friend, but haven't been able to locate a nice one. Do you have one that you can send for her? Thanks again!
posted by Dairn | 3:52 PM
2 Comments:
You're shy and hardly ever write letters? Interesting. Then how can you keep this blog up and running?
LOL! Hmmm, hadn't thought of that. Guess I should shut 'er down...
Post a Comment
<< Home