National Geographic Letter

December 11, 1998

National Geographic Society
1145 17th Street NW
Washington, DC
20036-4688


Dear geography giants,

Thank you for inviting me to speak at your conference on the third weekend of March, 1999. I am overwhelmed that my theories on global warming due to unnecessary animal kingdom flatulence has come to the attention of the world stage. Please note my speaking topics for each of our four sessions together, and my list of items needed upon my arrival in DC:

• Session #1 "Am I My Monkey's Uncle?"

- Spandex bike shorts

- Juggling set (including live crab)

- Ordinary deck of cards

• Session #2 "To Fart Or Not To Fart, That Is The Question"

- Suitcase full of marbles (at least 1/3 steelies)

- Full size wall map of Paraguay (no problem for you folks, I'm sure!)

- 7 unopened packages of Silly Putty

- Vegas style deck of poker cards

• Session #3 "The Turtle: Nature's Suction Cup"

- Three 1977 American pennies (I only have Canadian)

- Dancing girls - no more than 9, no less than 4

- Jar of fresh tomato paste

- Deck of Old Maid cards

• Session #4 "Koo-Koo-Ka-Choo"

- Cans of spray paint (enough for everyone in attendance)

- 4 Star Wars action figures (works best with at least one Yoda)

- A Diners Club card

- Pack of 1989 Upper Deck baseball cards

Thank you so much for preparing for my arrival in advance, and for having someone meet me at the airport. I'll be at Dulles by 8:35am on Friday, March 19th. Please write back to confirm, as my phone was lost in the recent storm (typhoon Bertha really kicked us around up here!).

I subscribe for the pictures,

Dairn M Peters