Zero Chocolate Bar Letter (1)
January 27, 1996
N.V. KJSCO S.A.
Brusselsteenweg 450
1500 Halle
Belgium
Dear heavenly confectioners,
All of us "clients" here at the Riverview Mental Institution have fallen in love with your wonderfully sinful ZERO chocolate bars! They are the best thing we have tasted since our 1954 milkshake machine broke down! The wardens... uh, nurses, allow us one treat per week from the outside world and your Belgium chocolate is our favourite. The reason for this letter is to say "thank you" for creating such a perfect delight. It is one of our only pleasures in this dreary existence (except for "spinach purée surprise" on Thursday nights).
We are only allowed to write one letter each month and I was chosen by the other inmates... uh, clients, to send you our appreciation. I guess I was selected because I am the only one who has no family with whom to correspond (some were killed in the San Francisco earthquake in '88, others were killed in the Crusades in the 13th century, and my uncle was taken by alien invaders, but I don't want to bore you with the details), and also, the reason I'm in this prison... uh, institution, is because I used to write letters to large corporations every so often, asking them really silly questions. I guess I was considered "qualified".
I hope that you can understand our sincere thanks for making this world of ours a better place! Danka! Could you please send a few ZERO hats or caps for the prisoners... uh, clients to wear? We would really appreciate it! I hope that this letter gets to the right person (I've enclosed a ZERO wrapper with your address for reference). Please resond soon, as some of us are planning to break out when it gets warmer. Thanks and merci!
N.V. KJSCO S.A.
Brusselsteenweg 450
1500 Halle
Belgium
Dear heavenly confectioners,
All of us "clients" here at the Riverview Mental Institution have fallen in love with your wonderfully sinful ZERO chocolate bars! They are the best thing we have tasted since our 1954 milkshake machine broke down! The wardens... uh, nurses, allow us one treat per week from the outside world and your Belgium chocolate is our favourite. The reason for this letter is to say "thank you" for creating such a perfect delight. It is one of our only pleasures in this dreary existence (except for "spinach purée surprise" on Thursday nights).
We are only allowed to write one letter each month and I was chosen by the other inmates... uh, clients, to send you our appreciation. I guess I was selected because I am the only one who has no family with whom to correspond (some were killed in the San Francisco earthquake in '88, others were killed in the Crusades in the 13th century, and my uncle was taken by alien invaders, but I don't want to bore you with the details), and also, the reason I'm in this prison... uh, institution, is because I used to write letters to large corporations every so often, asking them really silly questions. I guess I was considered "qualified".
I hope that you can understand our sincere thanks for making this world of ours a better place! Danka! Could you please send a few ZERO hats or caps for the prisoners... uh, clients to wear? We would really appreciate it! I hope that this letter gets to the right person (I've enclosed a ZERO wrapper with your address for reference). Please resond soon, as some of us are planning to break out when it gets warmer. Thanks and merci!
Chocolate is nice,
Dairn M Peters
PS We're not too thrilled about the "Muscles from Brussels", Jean-Claude Van Damme. Will your country be taking him back any time soon?
posted by Dairn | 8:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home